How often can you look at a scar on your body and remember exactly what happened? Almost every time, right? I’m pretty sure every scar on my body has some simple story that I can over dramatize. I look at these scars and remember the pain I felt when the different incidents occurred. If I find myself in a similar situation, I think “oh yeah, this hurt the last time *such and such* happened, I should be careful.
I was thinking about this the other day, and if the same is true of emotional scars. Granted, these scars you cannot see, but you can still feel their pain. The problem I have is that I don’t always remember these emotional scars until something happens to bring them into “sight.” I have this problem of not being careful in situations that have led in the past to these scars. In situations that are potentially dangerous, I should be thinking the “oh yeah, this hurt the last time *such and such* happened, I should be careful.”
So why is it easier to avoid situations that cause bodily harm than cause emotional harm?
If someone knows the answer, I’d like to know!!
Good question. I think the reason for a lot of people is that emotional scars are usually inflicted by the failure of some (usually long) emotional investment not showing any returns... or even worse, resulting in major losses: a big break-up, a lost loved one, etc. But even when it hurts, the potential payoff from the investment never loses its appeal. For instance, falling in love, getting married, and having a life with someone is a potential payoff that is nearly impossible to give up on. No matter how many times a person has been hurt, the prize is usually too attractive to walk away from.
ReplyDeletePhysical scars, in comparison, are not usually brought on by activities that are drawn out over months or years with any kind of real investment or ultimate goal in mind. In fact, I'd guess that 80% of them happen pretty spontaneously and with no real forethought. (I mean, I have a scar on my eye from smashing my face into a coffee table when I was a kid -- It sucked, but it just sort of happened.) When there isn't much value or investment in the thing you were doing to get the scar, you'll usually avoid it in the future -- I mean, why bother, right? But on the other hand, I've known skateboarders, for instance, who have broken tons of bones, suffered internal injuries, and all kinds of crazy stuff... and kept on skateboarding. To them, the years spent skateboarding and the potential payoff of becoming a great skateboarder and maybe becoming famous and all that stuff is worth the scarring.
I hope this made any sense at all. The general point was that I think it's more difficult to avoid the situations that you know might cause scarring -- whether physical or emotional or any other kind of "al" -- the more appealing the potential payoff is. In my opinion, there is no potential payoff on this planet greater than love, marriage, and family. I've had my share of emotional scarring (I have been a ridiculous glutton for punishment actually), but I say,"Bring it on." Because when it finally sticks, it will all have been worth it. At least that's what I choose to believe. haha.