Questival in San Francisco is so fun! Everyone should do it! Here is a picture of one of our challenges!

Commitment Issues

This has been weighing on my heart for a few months now, and I think it has finally reached a boiling point in my mind. For people who know me well, I am a girl who speaks my mind. There are times, however, when I don’t. After going to Discovery at my church this past weekend, our pastor spoke of the six different categories that characterize all individuals: harmonizers, persisters, energizers, dreamers, achievers, and catalyzers. What I found out, is that I am mostly the dreamer. I am constantly thinking things, but I can’t always put my millions of thoughts into coherent sentences. I usually don’t offer my opinion unless asked it, and it is easier for me to write down what I’m thinking rather than speak it. So here I am, months later, finally “speaking” about something that has been bothering me for quite some time…

I cannot seem to find the reason why on earth my generation is SO non-committal. It is beyond ridiculous. Everything I am going to say, I have been guilty of, which is probably why it bothers me so much. We are non-committal in the smallest senses, but also in bigger areas. What I have noticed is that if someone asks another person to, say, go to the movies, that person will say “maybe” or “we’ll see” or “possibly.” The person will not give a yes or no answer. Why? Because they want to see if some better plan will come along before that time. Then there’s the people who can’t commit to a relationship. The reasoning is the same: they are too scared to commit because they wonder what else is out there. Why? Why not commit to someone who you enjoy spending time with and is right in front of you? Again, I’ve been there, so I know how ridiculous it is.

Basically, I just wish that my generation would “man-up” and commit to something. Make plans with someone, and stick to them, no matter if “something better” comes up. Commit to someone you've been "talking to" or "hanging out with" if you genuienly enjoy spending time with them, or else stop wasting their time. Choose to be committal. It is not a feeling, it is a choice.

Break the Cycle

Tonight I took an older Bible with me to church and as I was flipping through to Jonah, I came across notes I had taken from the Song of Solomon sermon series our church went through about a year ago. It really made me think when I saw it again…

The last thing I wrote on the notes for this message was, “The greatest gift you could give your children is a healthy marriage.” I couldn’t agree more with this statement. I come from a broken family. My parents are divorced and I honestly do not have a single memory of my parents being married. My childhood memories consist of me living with my mom, sister, brother, and grandma and going to see my dad every other weekend (you know…the stereotypical set-up). Then, my dad moved back to California. I remember calling my dad every day begging him to come back, that I wanted to be able to see him whenever I wanted. So my life shifted from seeing my dad every other weekend, to seeing my dad for about a month every summer when we would come to California to visit him. When I was about 12 or 13, both my parents started dating other people (who they both ended up marrying). I remember getting so mad at my mom for giving up on my dad, and vice versa. Why couldn’t they have just stayed together? That’s what I would ask. It was all so simple in my young mind. You just made it work, no matter what. I wonder how my life would have turned out had my parents stayed together. I know that I would only have 2 siblings, not 8 (so in a sense I am grateful because I love my siblings so much).

I was at Denny’s with a friend the other night and he asked me if I was worried for my future marriage (if it’s in God’s plan for me to get married) because my parents are divorced. I had never really thought about that or had ever been asked about it. In my notes I had written that “love is a commitment; it is not about being happy; it is about being faithful.” I think I have a pretty realistic view of how marriage will be. I know that there will be hard times but I also know that there will be amazing times. I truly believe it is about being faithful and loving the other person despite their flaws or sins. It is about loving them as Christ loves us. If God is at the center of the relationship, if the relationship revolves around Him, and both of the people strive to honor Him and each other in their relationship, then I don’t see why it cannot work for life.

I have to be honest that it is a bit discouraging to see how many people just give up on marriage. I have the personality to not give up on stuff so it breaks my heart to see people just letting go and moving on to the next person who can make them feel happy in the moment (except if there was infidelity involved). What if that person doesn’t live up to expectations? Does that justify another divorce? That results in the numerous marriages people end up having. I’m not saying that you aren’t allowed to be happy, BUT a marriage will never be sunshine and roses every single day. That’s just reality. One thing I wrote was “God has a unique way of making old things new.” When things seem like they cannot be fixed in a marriage, with God, they totally can.

So my answer is this: no. No, I am not scared for my future marriage, as far as I am concerned. I know that I will strive to honor God in all I do, which will include my marriage. I would hope that I would make wise decisions to marry a man who feels the same way and strives to honor God in everything as well. I want to break the cycle. Break the cycle of brokenness.

GOD FIRST

There are some things that I have been thinking about for the last week or so that I really need to get off my mind. This will probably offend some people, so sorry in advance, but thank you first amendment! And let me preface this with saying that I know that I have been guilty of this as well…

Why is everyone so caught up on relationships? Or at least it seems that way to me. I’m talking about dating/talking/gf-bf relationships (not friendships, family relationships etc).

As Christians, God ought to be the number one priority in our lives..in every situation. How often can you say this is true of your life? With that being said, how often do you put your stock in someone else, especially a relationship with the opposite sex? I feel like far too often, we as Christians, remove God from his rightful position and put in place of Him, a sinner. A sinner, who we hold to the standard of God, but could never meet the same expectation. So what happens when that person lets you down or you break up? Your life is shattered, naturally. Why? Well probably because you put someone in the place that is ONLY reserved for God

I only know this from experience. I made the mistake of dethroning God and placing an ex boyfriend, a sinner, in His spot. When the relationship ended, I literally didn’t know what to do with myself. In that moment, I felt like my whole world had ended and I’d never be okay. I had created an idol, put all my stock in him, just to be proven by God that the throne is ONLY His and no idol shall have His place (1^st Commandment! Duh, how did I miss that one?!)

Now this is going to sound harsh, blunt, and morbid…but I don’t really care. I remember sitting on my couch talking to my mom while I was so distraught. She says to me...”Andrea, you are going to have to be okay by yourself. God forbid something happen to whoever you marry, and he dies, you have to be okay by yourself. You have to put your faith, trust, love, everything about you in the ONLY person that can live up to every expectation you have and will never fail you…God.” I knew my mom was right and I still know to this day that no matter what happens to anyone in my life, I will always be okay because I serve an awesome God who fulfills every need I have. No person on Earth could ever do that for me.

Now there are some people I know that complain all the time about being single. Why? What’s the big deal? I think a lot of people have this misconception that if you are married, suddenly all of your problems go away. Granted, I have never been married, but I know that is not the case. One thing I also learned is that you HAVE to be content by yourself before you could ever be content in a marriage. You honestly have nothing to offer a person of the opposite sex if you cannot be alone first. Instead of focusing on the fact that you don’t have a bf/gf/spouse/etc, focus on how you can better yourself for the person you end up marrying (if it is in God’s will for you to marry).

And then there are the perpetual daters. The people who can’t be alone. They must have someone there all the time. Do you even know how much wisdom there is to gain from being single? Do you realize that you can focus solely on yourself and your relationship with God. You can work on the issues that are prevalent in your life. Instead, people jump from one person to the next person to the next person to the next person (you catch my drift yet?) leaving a trail of destruction along the way. It is foolish and immature to move from one person to the next. Why not take a step back, analyze what went wrong with the previous person, take time to grow in the Lord? Why is that so hard to do? It’s not. People don’t do it, because they are so co-dependent and refuse to let God sit in his rightful throne.

I know this all sounds like a long rant, which it may be, but let me just remind you all that I have been guilty of every single thing that I ranted about. I just wish people would put the focus where it ought to be: God. Leave the focus there. The rest will follow according to HIS will.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LRHv9QPBdXQ

In Honor of Thanksgiving....

So I’m sitting here with my beautiful little sister, thinking about all the things I have to be thankful for:

I am thankful that I serve an almighty God. I am thankful that no matter how much I screw up, He is right there waiting for me with open arms and unconditional love. It is such a joy to wake up every day knowing that no matter, He will always be there for me. Life without God is meaningless, and I am so thankful for the opportunity to worship Him.

I am thankful for my parents. My mother is the most beautiful and amazing woman I have ever met. She is superwoman and the most self-sacrificing person I know. She would do anything for someone in need, especially her children. I really don’t think she knows the impact she has on people’s lives. My mom has shown me what unconditional love is on an earthly level. No matter what any of my mom’s children do, she is ALWAYS there, ready and willing to be of service in any way. I am thankful for my dad and his ability to turn any situation into a joke. He has taught me how to have a sense of humor and not take life too seriously. I’m pretty sure my sarcasm came from him too ;) I’m thankful that my dad taught me to never give up and to strive for the goals I set for myself. I’d probably be a lazy quitter-of-everything if he had not instilled that in me. I am thankful for my stepmom. She has been such a good friend to me the past ten years. Even when I was a bratty teenager, she was always there to help me and listen to me when I just needed to talk. I am thankful for my stepdad. We have often butted heads, but I know that my stepdad cares about me as if I was his own child. He has helped me through so many difficult times. Although he would never admit it, I think he will be sad when I move out again!

I am thankful for all of my friends. My group of best friends are so amazing and we have fun no matter what we are doing. I have so many memories with them that I love remembering. I am also thankful for the new friendships I have of recent. I really hope to strengthen these relationships as well.

I am also thankful for the many experiences I’ve had in life, both good and bad. These experiences have caused me to mature quicker than I think I would have, and I am very grateful for that. I am thankful that I am able to attend college when so many people are not given the opportunity.

These are just some of the uncountable number of people and things that I am thankful for…

What are YOU thankful for?

Scars

How often can you look at a scar on your body and remember exactly what happened? Almost every time, right? I’m pretty sure every scar on my body has some simple story that I can over dramatize. I look at these scars and remember the pain I felt when the different incidents occurred. If I find myself in a similar situation, I think “oh yeah, this hurt the last time *such and such* happened, I should be careful.

I was thinking about this the other day, and if the same is true of emotional scars. Granted, these scars you cannot see, but you can still feel their pain. The problem I have is that I don’t always remember these emotional scars until something happens to bring them into “sight.” I have this problem of not being careful in situations that have led in the past to these scars. In situations that are potentially dangerous, I should be thinking the “oh yeah, this hurt the last time *such and such* happened, I should be careful.”

So why is it easier to avoid situations that cause bodily harm than cause emotional harm?

If someone knows the answer, I’d like to know!!

LIFE WORTH LIVING FOR

Welp…it’s been awhile since I’ve written one of these, but boy do I have a lot to say! My mind is so school oriented that whenever I’ve sat down to try to write this, I find myself writing an essay…let’s see if I can actually do it right this time!

The past few weeks have been a whirlwind for me. God is constantly refining us but sometimes I feel like He knocks me upside the head more than others. This has been one of those times. When I feel like I’m being hit from all sides, my initial response and emotion is anger. As things started happening to me that I didn’t agree with or want, I started asking God why He would do something like this to me. (sinful, I know). One of my best friends had such a great analogy for me when I asked her if she’s ever been mad at or questioned God. She told me that a loving parent would never do anything to hurt their child. Despite what the child thinks or feels at the time, the parent always knows what is best for them in the long run. Likewise, God loves us so much more than an earthly parent ever could. How could I even question what He was allowing to happen in my life? He would never do something to hurt me. It might seem painful to me at the time, but so was not getting to go to the park as a child because my parents said no. I am so foolish when I let my emotions rule how I think. God’s plan is better than any plan I could ever come up with!

After taking a step back and letting my emotions fizzle, I began to wonder what exactly I was supposed to be learning from the situations I was dealing with. To be honest, I still don’t know what I’m supposed to have learned, but I’m okay with that. I know that time will shed light onto those situations. Either way, I am so thankful that God knows me better than I know myself.

I also began to think about my life and how I portray myself to others. I went to a women’s conference a couple weeks ago, and it really hit me hard. It was mostly geared towards relationships and giving them up to God, but that wasn’t the part that was the most convicting. I realized through this conference that I don’t feel like I am living my life solely for God. I started looking at the things I do on a daily basis and thought, “How is this glorifying God?” I thought this about school, the relationships I have with friends and family, etc. I have to admit that I was sorely disappointed in myself. I left this conference thinking, “I need to make a difference. I need to bring others to Christ. I need to live a life that is pleasing in God’s eyes and I’m just not doing that.”

So of course, my first thought was, “I want to move to Africa and tell them all about Jesus.” I know that sounds like an impulsive, emotional response to an amazing conference. It could very well be, but the next night I went to church where they showed us a video about “The Africa Experience,” and how there was going to be an exhibit in Fresno for it. I laughed, remembering the thoughts I had the day before. My friend and I went to the exhibit at the end of the week, and it was so touching. They gave you a headset and let you walk through the exhibit listening to the life of a child living in Africa—some affected with AIDS. It absolutely broke my heart…so naturally, I signed up to get more information for the next missions trip to Africa. Last night, I met with my friend Matt and his friend Dave. Dave is in the process of getting ready to move to Africa. I was able to hear the vision for the place and the people where he will be moving, and it was so encouraging. He felt God calling him to Africa, and he answered the call so willingly. He showed me videos from a trip to Africa. In one of the videos, there are missionaries just sitting on the ground holding kids. The kids seem so content just to lie in the arms of the missionaries. I think about my siblings and how I have to beg them to give me a hug. These kids in Africa just need love and are so content when they get it. It really made me realize how much I take for granted.

I have also heard about this program called Wycliffe from one of my good friends. I hadn’t really known anything about it, but she gave me the link to their website and I was instantly taken with it as well. I know that you can witness and tell people about God anywhere you are, but the fact that some people don’t even have a Bible in their language upsets me and makes me want to do something about it. I never really knew completely why I was getting a degree in English with my emphasis in Linguistics, but it seems fitting now with how passionate I’ve become towards these people. Now, I’m not going to go make any impulsive decisions and say “I’m moving to Africa today!” That would be foolish, but I am seriously praying for God’s Will to be done, whether that be to keep me here in sunny California, or to send me to the most remote part of the world. If it’s His plan, I will do it. I would do anything for the One who would do anything for me.

After taking a look at my life and how I was living, I began to look at others, and I was just as disgusted with them as I was with myself. I know that seems super judgmental, and it probably is, and it’s not even my place to care, but I do. I see people I know, and don’t know, following purely selfish desires, slapping the “I’m a Christian and I love Jesus” label on it, and calling it glorifying to God. It is ridiculous. I see how materialistic people are and it disgusts me. Who cares if you have a brand new car? Who cares if you make a lot of money? Who cares if you have the most expensive clothes? Who cares if you are famous? Can you take any of it with you when you leave this world? No. So why does it matter?! Before you get offended, I know that I can be lumped into this category also, which is probably why it angers me so much. Coincidentally after I started thinking all this about other people, my airbag light in my car came on, my cell phone broke, and my computer broke for a few days. God sure does have a sense of humor :) Back to the point… I just don’t see the body of Christ actively trying to reach to the lost souls. I just see selfish, sinful people living selfish, sinful lives, all the while calling themselves a Christian, and thinking that must mean what they are doing is God’s plan for them. I just think that the body of Christ needs to step it up and live for/with HIM. Like I said, I probably feel so strongly about this because these are the faults I have noticed in myself and desperately want to change.

I have so much more to say, but it will probably take me another month to get my thoughts out. I hope I didn’t offend anyone with my last paragraph. I just want people to take a look at their lives. Are you living for yourself, or for/with Christ? I know I want to live for and with Christ.