Break the Cycle

Tonight I took an older Bible with me to church and as I was flipping through to Jonah, I came across notes I had taken from the Song of Solomon sermon series our church went through about a year ago. It really made me think when I saw it again…

The last thing I wrote on the notes for this message was, “The greatest gift you could give your children is a healthy marriage.” I couldn’t agree more with this statement. I come from a broken family. My parents are divorced and I honestly do not have a single memory of my parents being married. My childhood memories consist of me living with my mom, sister, brother, and grandma and going to see my dad every other weekend (you know…the stereotypical set-up). Then, my dad moved back to California. I remember calling my dad every day begging him to come back, that I wanted to be able to see him whenever I wanted. So my life shifted from seeing my dad every other weekend, to seeing my dad for about a month every summer when we would come to California to visit him. When I was about 12 or 13, both my parents started dating other people (who they both ended up marrying). I remember getting so mad at my mom for giving up on my dad, and vice versa. Why couldn’t they have just stayed together? That’s what I would ask. It was all so simple in my young mind. You just made it work, no matter what. I wonder how my life would have turned out had my parents stayed together. I know that I would only have 2 siblings, not 8 (so in a sense I am grateful because I love my siblings so much).

I was at Denny’s with a friend the other night and he asked me if I was worried for my future marriage (if it’s in God’s plan for me to get married) because my parents are divorced. I had never really thought about that or had ever been asked about it. In my notes I had written that “love is a commitment; it is not about being happy; it is about being faithful.” I think I have a pretty realistic view of how marriage will be. I know that there will be hard times but I also know that there will be amazing times. I truly believe it is about being faithful and loving the other person despite their flaws or sins. It is about loving them as Christ loves us. If God is at the center of the relationship, if the relationship revolves around Him, and both of the people strive to honor Him and each other in their relationship, then I don’t see why it cannot work for life.

I have to be honest that it is a bit discouraging to see how many people just give up on marriage. I have the personality to not give up on stuff so it breaks my heart to see people just letting go and moving on to the next person who can make them feel happy in the moment (except if there was infidelity involved). What if that person doesn’t live up to expectations? Does that justify another divorce? That results in the numerous marriages people end up having. I’m not saying that you aren’t allowed to be happy, BUT a marriage will never be sunshine and roses every single day. That’s just reality. One thing I wrote was “God has a unique way of making old things new.” When things seem like they cannot be fixed in a marriage, with God, they totally can.

So my answer is this: no. No, I am not scared for my future marriage, as far as I am concerned. I know that I will strive to honor God in all I do, which will include my marriage. I would hope that I would make wise decisions to marry a man who feels the same way and strives to honor God in everything as well. I want to break the cycle. Break the cycle of brokenness.

GOD FIRST

There are some things that I have been thinking about for the last week or so that I really need to get off my mind. This will probably offend some people, so sorry in advance, but thank you first amendment! And let me preface this with saying that I know that I have been guilty of this as well…

Why is everyone so caught up on relationships? Or at least it seems that way to me. I’m talking about dating/talking/gf-bf relationships (not friendships, family relationships etc).

As Christians, God ought to be the number one priority in our lives..in every situation. How often can you say this is true of your life? With that being said, how often do you put your stock in someone else, especially a relationship with the opposite sex? I feel like far too often, we as Christians, remove God from his rightful position and put in place of Him, a sinner. A sinner, who we hold to the standard of God, but could never meet the same expectation. So what happens when that person lets you down or you break up? Your life is shattered, naturally. Why? Well probably because you put someone in the place that is ONLY reserved for God

I only know this from experience. I made the mistake of dethroning God and placing an ex boyfriend, a sinner, in His spot. When the relationship ended, I literally didn’t know what to do with myself. In that moment, I felt like my whole world had ended and I’d never be okay. I had created an idol, put all my stock in him, just to be proven by God that the throne is ONLY His and no idol shall have His place (1^st Commandment! Duh, how did I miss that one?!)

Now this is going to sound harsh, blunt, and morbid…but I don’t really care. I remember sitting on my couch talking to my mom while I was so distraught. She says to me...”Andrea, you are going to have to be okay by yourself. God forbid something happen to whoever you marry, and he dies, you have to be okay by yourself. You have to put your faith, trust, love, everything about you in the ONLY person that can live up to every expectation you have and will never fail you…God.” I knew my mom was right and I still know to this day that no matter what happens to anyone in my life, I will always be okay because I serve an awesome God who fulfills every need I have. No person on Earth could ever do that for me.

Now there are some people I know that complain all the time about being single. Why? What’s the big deal? I think a lot of people have this misconception that if you are married, suddenly all of your problems go away. Granted, I have never been married, but I know that is not the case. One thing I also learned is that you HAVE to be content by yourself before you could ever be content in a marriage. You honestly have nothing to offer a person of the opposite sex if you cannot be alone first. Instead of focusing on the fact that you don’t have a bf/gf/spouse/etc, focus on how you can better yourself for the person you end up marrying (if it is in God’s will for you to marry).

And then there are the perpetual daters. The people who can’t be alone. They must have someone there all the time. Do you even know how much wisdom there is to gain from being single? Do you realize that you can focus solely on yourself and your relationship with God. You can work on the issues that are prevalent in your life. Instead, people jump from one person to the next person to the next person to the next person (you catch my drift yet?) leaving a trail of destruction along the way. It is foolish and immature to move from one person to the next. Why not take a step back, analyze what went wrong with the previous person, take time to grow in the Lord? Why is that so hard to do? It’s not. People don’t do it, because they are so co-dependent and refuse to let God sit in his rightful throne.

I know this all sounds like a long rant, which it may be, but let me just remind you all that I have been guilty of every single thing that I ranted about. I just wish people would put the focus where it ought to be: God. Leave the focus there. The rest will follow according to HIS will.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LRHv9QPBdXQ