Break the Cycle

Tonight I took an older Bible with me to church and as I was flipping through to Jonah, I came across notes I had taken from the Song of Solomon sermon series our church went through about a year ago. It really made me think when I saw it again…

The last thing I wrote on the notes for this message was, “The greatest gift you could give your children is a healthy marriage.” I couldn’t agree more with this statement. I come from a broken family. My parents are divorced and I honestly do not have a single memory of my parents being married. My childhood memories consist of me living with my mom, sister, brother, and grandma and going to see my dad every other weekend (you know…the stereotypical set-up). Then, my dad moved back to California. I remember calling my dad every day begging him to come back, that I wanted to be able to see him whenever I wanted. So my life shifted from seeing my dad every other weekend, to seeing my dad for about a month every summer when we would come to California to visit him. When I was about 12 or 13, both my parents started dating other people (who they both ended up marrying). I remember getting so mad at my mom for giving up on my dad, and vice versa. Why couldn’t they have just stayed together? That’s what I would ask. It was all so simple in my young mind. You just made it work, no matter what. I wonder how my life would have turned out had my parents stayed together. I know that I would only have 2 siblings, not 8 (so in a sense I am grateful because I love my siblings so much).

I was at Denny’s with a friend the other night and he asked me if I was worried for my future marriage (if it’s in God’s plan for me to get married) because my parents are divorced. I had never really thought about that or had ever been asked about it. In my notes I had written that “love is a commitment; it is not about being happy; it is about being faithful.” I think I have a pretty realistic view of how marriage will be. I know that there will be hard times but I also know that there will be amazing times. I truly believe it is about being faithful and loving the other person despite their flaws or sins. It is about loving them as Christ loves us. If God is at the center of the relationship, if the relationship revolves around Him, and both of the people strive to honor Him and each other in their relationship, then I don’t see why it cannot work for life.

I have to be honest that it is a bit discouraging to see how many people just give up on marriage. I have the personality to not give up on stuff so it breaks my heart to see people just letting go and moving on to the next person who can make them feel happy in the moment (except if there was infidelity involved). What if that person doesn’t live up to expectations? Does that justify another divorce? That results in the numerous marriages people end up having. I’m not saying that you aren’t allowed to be happy, BUT a marriage will never be sunshine and roses every single day. That’s just reality. One thing I wrote was “God has a unique way of making old things new.” When things seem like they cannot be fixed in a marriage, with God, they totally can.

So my answer is this: no. No, I am not scared for my future marriage, as far as I am concerned. I know that I will strive to honor God in all I do, which will include my marriage. I would hope that I would make wise decisions to marry a man who feels the same way and strives to honor God in everything as well. I want to break the cycle. Break the cycle of brokenness.